The Royal Dandy

I had just received news that I’ve been invited to the royal wedding*, and as I wait for the Gulfstream to be prepared for this very short-notice trip, I thought I’d share with you the pieces that I’m having my fashion friends in high places ship directly to my friend Natalie’s place in London, on whose Aerobed I will be crashing this weekend.

William and Katherine, at a friend's wedding last October (photo via The Telegraph)

Clearly, I was not on the a-list for invites to the ceremony, but a certain dignitary’s salacious gallivanting with a so-called model from Caracas had rendered him bedridden for the next few days, and that is how I got bumped up the list. With such a lackadaisical manner of invitation (the telegram said: “Alright, I guess I can squeeze you in.. I think.. xx”), I thought it befitting to show up at Westminster Abbey in something equally relaxed and ambiguously formal:

Giorgio was kind enough to send over the entire opening look at his Fall 2010 show. Though a mismatched jacket and trousers look might not be most appropriate for witnessing the union of dear William and Katherine, I am positive that the Queen will appreciate my wearing of tweed as a nod to the soon-to-be happy couple’s heritage. (photo via GQ.com)

I couldn’t be that irreverent though, and I shall nix the beret to wear my hair slicked back clean like this:

photo via Coiffures Hommes

Option two, if I was feeling a little more respectful, would be this semi-relaxed double-breasted navy suit from Hermes Fall 2010, which I plan on wearing with a nude tank top to evoke the illusion of shirtlessness:

photo via The Fashionisto

Now for the reception, I would have to throw all subtlety out the window; the last thing I’d want to happen is to be out-glitzed by the invited royals. These looks from Haider Ackermann’s sole menswear collection could shame many a tsar or sultan:

photos via The Fashionisto

I’m almost positive I’ll end up wearing that jacket on the left encrusted with a million dark metal beads; it embodies that disheveled-dandy-glitzy aesthetic that I so espouse nowadays.

photos via Luisa via Roma

No shoes could be more perfect for that outfit than Haider’s striped satin slippers,

but since this is the first royal affair I’d been invited to (and most likely the last), I might as well pack a punch with purple suede and peacock feathers.

photos via Luisa via Roma

And maybe, in the unlikely event that I get through this whirlwind trip and ceremony and reception---and this abnormally wordy delusional blog post---the least bit intelligible, this artful Yohji Yamamoto Fall 2011 painted velvet long jacket for the perfect late-late evening stroll around the palace gardens.

photo via The Fashionisto

*wholly, ridiculously fictitious, through and through